Pursuing Sexual Health and Wholeness
in Our Community

SEXUAL ADDICTION:
TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING?

ADDICTED TO SEX?
Can you be addicted to sex, just as you can to drugs or alcohol? Ask a sexual addict or someone who has been affected by an addict's behavior. A spouse, child, other family member, friend or victim. Their experience says, "Yes". Although it's often portrayed as a "victimless" individual choice, sexual addiction can have very negative and long-lasting effects on addicts, on those in relationships with them and on society.

What Does Sexual Addiction Look Like?
Is Pornography a Factor?
Dynamics of Sexual Addiction
Profile of a Sexual Addict
Typical Scenarios
Help Is Available

WHAT DOES SEXUAL ADDICTION LOOK LIKE?
Sexual addicts engage in obsessive/compulsive sexual behavior that causes severe stress to themselves and their families. They make sex the center of their lives, become willing to sacrifice what they value most. They exhibit behaviors such as:

• compulsive heterosexual and homosexual relationships
• exhibitionism
• voyeurism
• incest
• rape and violence
• compulsive masturbation
• obsession with pornography
• prostitution
• indecent phone calls
• child molesting

In his book, False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction, Dr. Harry Schaumberg states: "For the sex addict, each external sexual act is a desperate attempt to be involved in a relationship without being truly known and having to take the risks involved in developing real intimacy."

Addicts are unable to stop their involvement in behaviors they generally know are destructive, and usually progress to increasingly dangerous behaviors.

IS PORNOGRAPHY A FACTOR IN SEXUAL ADDICTION?
Society continues to debate whether pornography is positive/neutral (entertaining or educational) or harmful. The word itself comes from the Greek words "porno" and "graphia" meaning "depictions of the activities of whores," and generally means "material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement. " Pornography, including that which is readily available on the Internet, degrades objectifies and dehumanizes women and children.

Dr. Archibald D. Hart observes in his book, The Sexual Man: Masculinity without Guilt, "Most young males have their sexual beliefs and attitudes shaped by pornography. Exposure often begins at age thirteen. This distorts their views of how women feel about sex and what can reasonably be expected from sex...."

DYNAMICS OF SEXUAL ADDICTION
Dr. Victor Cline, a nationally recognized expert on the effects of pornography and its relationship to sexual addictions and abuse, has shown that four factors characterize the condition:

Addiction - Pornography provides a very powerful sexual stimulant or aphrodisiac effect, followed by sexual release, most often through masturbation. The exciting and powerful imagery can be recalled and elaborated on in subsequent fantasies.

Escalation - Over time, addicts require rougher and more explicit and deviant material to get "high". They may push their partners into increasingly bizarre sexual activities. And they come to prefer the imagery of pornography, accompanied by masturbation, to sexual intercourse itself, diminishing their capacity to express real affection.

Desensitization - material (in books, magazines or films/videos) which was first perceived as shocking, illegal, repulsive or immoral-though still sexually arousing-is seen as acceptable. The sexual activity depicted becomes legitimized in the person's mind, and he/she comes to believe that "everybody does it."

Acting Out - There is an increasing tendency to act out behaviors viewed in pornography. Addiction locks persons into these behaviors, no matter what the negative consequences. It disturbs marital and family bonds, and increases the possibility of a person committing a serious sex crime.

PROFILE OF A SEXUAL ADDICT
Contrary to the common stereotype, a sexual addict doesn't necessarily wear a trench coat. Here's a profile:

Background - 83 percent report being sexually abused, 73 percent physically abused, and 97percent emotionally abused/neglected as children.
Education/Socioeconomic - 42 percent earn more than $30,000/year and 58 percent are college graduates; 65 percent are professionals with a college and/or graduate degree.
Emotional State - Addicts feel powerless and out of control, and need to maintain an environment in which they are in control and never feel bad; they are attracted to "persons" in pornography who can't say "no," abandon or reject them; 83 percent have other addictions such as alcoholism, chemical dependency, eating disorders or compulsive working, spending or gambling problems.
Number of Partners/Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) - Addicts may have many partners and frequent sex in a variety of circumstances. Many times, the fear of contracting AIDS or other STDs is not enough to make them stop their behavior.

TYPICAL SEXUAL ADDICTION SCENARIOS

A salesman who travels extensively promises himself before each trip that he won't watch the hard-core cable TV movies in his hotel. But he does.

A woman who reads romance novels fantasizes herself into the sexual situations in them. After a while, she prefers her fantasy world to real life and tries to recreate it in a series of affairs. She tells herself that she can quit any time. But she finds she's not able to stop.

An attorney visits hard-core pornography outlets in his area. He fears the damage that could result to his reputation if he's "found out" and always tells himself: "This is the last time". But it never is.

A pastor's wife is sexually involved outside of her marriage. Terrified of the potential damage to her husband, family, and church if discovered-she promises herself she'll stop. But she doesn't.

An executive repeatedly demands certain sexual behaviors from his wife, but is always turned down. Frustrated, he turns to prostitutes. After each episode, he's remorseful and tells himself he won't do it again. But he continues.

A teenage girl desperately seeks affection by becoming sexually involved with one man after another. After repeatedly failing to get the affection she is after, she wants to stop. But she doesn't.

All of these persons promise themselves that they won't maintain their addiction. But they do...until they seek help and move toward recovery.

REAL HELP IS AVAILABLE...TODAY
If you or someone else has a sexual addiction problem, the steps to recovery are:

Face the problem - Admit that sexual addiction is a problem. Most people need someone to help them take this step.
Seek help in a "safe" place - The most effective programs treat the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of the problem, and involve both of these elements:
Psychologist/counselor - A skilled professional can provide objective, diagnostic and clinical help - inpatient or outpatient (including telephone consultations).
Support group - A group offers the "arms and legs" of acceptance, understanding, affirmation and loving care.
Maintain/strengthen recovery - As with other addictions, maintaining recovery is a day-to-day, lifetime process. Recovery gains strength as the person deals with the addiction's root issues. After-care groups are an option. Treating sexual addiction can be compared to getting medical help for a badly broken leg. A person needs to seek emergency treatment, follow the doctor's orders and be rehabilitated. Time for healing is part of the prescription.

Common Questions/Concerns

Will my confidentiality be protected? Addicts who want to recover, require a "safe" place - a counselor or support group where their confidentially will be respected.

What if I can't afford treatment? Your insurance may cover all or most of the cost. Many programs charge on a sliding scale; some support groups are free. It's always worth the investment.

How can I help my spouse or friend recover? Educate yourself about addiction so you can be an encourager and avoid "enabling" behavior that delays recovery. Since the spouse often feels responsible, he/she should join a support group for spouses of addicts and seek professional help. Realize that there may be occasional relapses.

What can parents do to help prevent sexual addiction? Teach children that sex is a beautiful gift, and that anything that degrades the love between a man and a woman is wrong. Warn them about pornography. Cultivate a healthy openness of communication so they will feel free to talk with you about anything without fear, guilt, or shame.

Don't Let Another Day Pass

If you-or someone else-is reluctant to seek help, please consider that addiction is progressive. Knowing there is a sexual addiction problem and not seeking help can be likened to knowing that there are cancer cells active in your body and doing nothing about it. There's no better time than now.

Call us today for a referral to counselors, groups, tapes or other resources, that can help make a real difference in your life or the life of someone you care about.

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